Jesse was always certain about his fate. Every decision he made – big or small – he knew would influence his future. He had to think every decision through for what I considered to be an unnaturally long time. In response, I made my decisions at the drop of a hat and hardly ever thought anything through. Jesse tried to get me to slow down, but I was wildly impulsive and liked to live minute by minute. He was convinced I was ruining my life by living moment to moment and by not planning anything out.
The day our paths started to break was the day he told me I needed to start going to church with him. He started attending church after a traumatic event he would never explain to me stating I would be traumatized just by his retelling. I was often suspicious of his ‘events’ and some of the stories he told me solely due to the fact they seemed too rehearsed. Too practiced. But when he started in on how my life was in shambles because I chose to worship on my own, our relationship became tense. I had never had a problem with church or religion, but I did have a problem when people started in on telling me what I should believe and how I should act.
The deeper Jesse got into his new church life, the deeper I wanted to start digging into his past. I was beginning to wonder if there was some element of trauma in his background making him so rigid in his planning and in his beliefs. As soon as I found one nugget of information about his past, I couldn’t stop searching. But the more I searched the more I found and what I found was so shocking I didn’t know how Jesse had kept it from me for so long. Especially since almost the exact same thing had happened to me.