I always wanted to be loved, but never really knew how. And I think it all started with William. He had been the one I knew I would end up with. The one who would fill the lonely hole in my heart. William was all I was looking for in a partner and I think he knew it. We had started off as friends in school having been stuck sitting next to each other in Chemistry and soon became inseparable. His home life was much more stable than mine and the fact he didn’t shove it in my face that he was able to go on vacations, have dinner on the table every night and never had to wonder if the lights would be on after school, made it almost easy to talk to him. Though I knew he would never completely understand what I went through when we weren’t together. What my relationship with my mother was like.
The end game that eventually tore us apart was the winter formal of our senior year of college. We had originally planned on attending together, but somewhere along the way, I was ditched. Ditched without warning because he apparently found something better. Or maybe it was someone. Either way, I was devastated. I had been scrimping and saving specifically for this winter formal for the entire year. I think part of it was William had always attended the formals (or parties or whatever they were called), throughout high school and college whereas I never had had the extra money or the time off work to attend. Neither one of us had dated seriously in our last few months of college so we had made a pact to go together. Then, two weeks before the formal, William was out. Out and he wouldn’t tell me why. So there I was, with a dress, a ticket and no date. But when I found out the night of the party why I had been ditched, I had never been so humiliated.