Gratitude

I wanted to feel an overwhelming crash of gratitude, but could only trigger disappointment.  The wave crashed harder with each passing day.  Adam had to notice me and with each glance he seemed to look right through me.  There was never a smile, never a lingering glance, nothing.  All I had really wanted was to be his friend, but it seemed like it was something that was never going to happen. 

Adam and I went back years but somehow I felt like I was doing all the work to really feel lucky that we were friends.  Or were we really even friends?  I’m not sure anymore.  Not sure he remembered my name.  Not sure he remembered my favorite color.  Not sure he remembered where I lived or the fact we both had Mr. Smith for seventh grade social studies. 

What I’m sure of is the fact I am floating through this life with no purpose.  Floating through this life with dreams, but no plans.  If I didn’t make a plan or a move in the right direction soon, I knew I would never find my way again.  I would forever be lost.  I sighed to myself as I finally came to term with the fact I would have to haunt Adam for years to come so he would remember what he did. To remember that he was the reason for my death.