Epic Countdown

The final moments of my night culminated in the biggest letdown I had ever experienced.  Even I was shocked by the amount of grief I felt in the pit of my stomach from what I was hoping would have been an epic night.  I knew I had placed too much energy into how I thought tonight was going to go, but I couldn’t help it. I had been too excited about our forever and a day. 

So many great things could have come out of the night, but here I was lying on my bed, fully clothed and alone.  As I wept quietly in the dark, I wondered what had gone wrong in the first place. I thought I had planned everything down to the last detail. I had worn the right dress, I hadn’t approached you too quickly or too often. But then what had gone wrong? 

Had I talked too much?  Too little?  The clock ticked steadily along as I counted all the moments I would have done differently.  All the words and jokes I could have replaced.  I had hoped to walk out of the night with a new life and a new lover.  I had done everything you asked.  Everything you wanted, but yet I was disappointed.  Again.  I know I had read your signals correctly because they were so obvious. 

But then you went home with Miranda and I am here.  Alone.  Trembling. Depressed. Wondering what you were doing with your wife. 


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