The final moments of my night culminated in the biggest letdown I had ever experienced. Even I was shocked by the amount of grief I felt in the pit of my stomach from what I was hoping would have been an epic night. I knew I had placed too much energy into how I thought tonight was going to go, but I couldn’t help it. I had been too excited about our forever and a day.
So many great things could have come out of the night, but here I was lying on my bed, fully clothed and alone. As I wept quietly in the dark, I wondered what had gone wrong in the first place. I thought I had planned everything down to the last detail. I had worn the right dress, I hadn’t approached you too quickly or too often. But then what had gone wrong?
Had I talked too much? Too little? The clock ticked steadily along as I counted all the moments I would have done differently. All the words and jokes I could have replaced. I had hoped to walk out of the night with a new life and a new lover. I had done everything you asked. Everything you wanted, but yet I was disappointed. Again. I know I had read your signals correctly because they were so obvious.
But then you went home with Miranda and I am here. Alone. Trembling. Depressed. Wondering what you were doing with your wife.