Quitting

“Clear the noise.  Don’t let anything bother you.  You are enough.”  I listened to the voice coming over the speakers and tried to pump myself up for work.  I had started listening to yoga music and random ‘motivational’ speakers before heading into work so I wouldn’t cry. 

I found that if I didn’t pump myself up, my spirit would get beat down as soon as I walked through the doors and into the office.  The first thing I always noticed was the smell.  And then the lights.  Then I had the unfortunate task of having to talk to my coworkers and sometimes my boss.  If I was lucky enough to make it back to my car with minimal contact with them, I considered the day a win.  I went through extensive planning to avoid contact, but I rarely made it through the day without my blood pressure rising.   

The day I quit was the day I could no longer take the emotional anguish of talking to my coworkers.  The day started with a man trying to catch a perfectly healthy bird with his glove and ended with my boss having me do her job for her.  Again.  This time I knew I couldn’t let her get away with the literal fire she started in the breakroom.  I knew my voice carried which had to be the only explanation for her to be waiting for me with the match in her hand.  And her hand in front of my face.  Screaming.