If I Loved You Less

“If I loved you less, maybe this would be easier.  If I loved you less, I could walk right out the door and never look back.  If I loved you less, I could be exactly who I wanted to be.”  I looked at the letter I was writing to Jared and crumpled it.   I knew I couldn’t leave him a note.  I knew he would read the note the wrong way and everything would come tumbling back down. 

He would chase after me until I came back to him.  Chase after me until I fell under his spell.  I couldn’t let him win.  I needed to get out of the house we shared and I needed to get out soon.  I couldn’t be here any longer and couldn’t smell his cologne anymore.  Sometimes all it took was one whiff and I couldn’t control myself.  He must be what drugs feel like.   

I scrambled to pick up every single bag at the same time, left my house key on the counter and tried to run out the back door.  I knew the alley would provide a faster and easier escape than trying to leave in front of all the nosy neighbors.  My hands started to shake as I got closer to the county line.  Once I crossed the line, it would be the furthest away from Jared I had ever been.  I just hoped I could make it.  That he wouldn’t find me as quickly as he did last time. 


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