Gloomy

The day broke as gloomy as I felt.  I had known dawn was coming and was hoping to sleep through it, but here I was, wide awake.  There was nothing to do but get up and face the day.  A day sure to be full of tears and apologies, but no space for how I really felt.  My father was gone and my mother had never had time for feelings and emotions.  Especially mine. 

The two of us have had our ins and outs over the years, but this past year had been one of the most difficult.  Our relationship was strained to the point that I’m not sure it will recover.  I’m not sure I have the patience to be able to work through the constant and recurring problems.  I had even started therapy to try and gain some perspective on how, when and where our relationship had gone awry and had made some progress, but when my mother kept repeating her same mistakes, I’m not sure how I could help. 

I didn’t know how the day would go and tried to steel myself for the worst.  Today was the day my life would change, I just didn’t know why it had to happen again.  Or why my mother was getting married for the fifth time.  She was in the practice of trading up for her husbands and her latest conquer had just bought a new yacht.  A new yacht I knew he would mysteriously disappear from.  And soon.