Incapable

“I am incapable of feeling,” I told my teacher.  “I can’t do it even though I have tried.  I’m not even sure what to do anymore.” 

When Mr. Stewart didn’t respond, I stood to pick up my backpack and headed toward the door.  I knew I shouldn’t have told Mr. Stewart what was going on.  He wouldn’t help me just like all the other adults in my life. 

“Colby.  Wait.  That was a great start.  Please come back and sit down.  Please tell me what is going on.”  Mr. Stewart waved me back to the chair across from his desk.  I stared at him unsure if he was being serious or not.  He had always told me to come to him if I ever needed anything.  Now I wasn’t so sure.  Would he tell my parents what I had said?  Would he tell the principal?   

“I need to move out of my parents’ house and don’t know how to tell you that I don’t care about them and didn’t have any feelings for him one way or the other.  How could I not care?  They are my parents.”  As the words tumbled out of my mouth, I sat back down and cried.  I let everything out and when I finally stopped, all Mr. Stewart did was smile.  I didn’t know what else he could say that would have any effect on my way out of the school.  I was going, I just needed someone to know that I was. 

“Cut!”