My grandma always told me to ‘move forward in hope’ and I am just now figuring out what she means. It only took me thirty years and her death to realize I could apply hope to my life. That I needed to apply hope to my life.
Until my grandmother’s peaceful passing, I had always managed to take the easy route and let everyone around me make every decision for me. I now know that was a mistake. In order to move on with the life I want to live, I need to be making my own decisions so I can move forward on my own terms. When I first told my father no, I thought his head was going to explode. He gave me the silent treatment for several days while he processed the fact that maybe he couldn’t control every aspect of my life. My brothers had always been able to make their own decisions about life, but I was the only girl so my father dictated everything.
The stage after the silent treatment was the worst. It was when he decided that things could continue how they were before my grandmother’s death or I could move out. He could be the director of my life or I could. I could live my life in terror of my father or I could move forward in hope. I moved out, moved forward and still haven’t heard a word from my father. I doubt I ever will.