The weather outside was perfect. I knew I had to go outside and I knew I would regret it if I didn’t, but I couldn’t get myself to get out of my bed. I continued to stare out the window until I fell back to sleep. I was supposed to be on vacation right now, but yet, here I was still sleeping in my own bed. By myself. I know I’ll slowly pull myself out of the wallow and I am better off by myself, but damn is it hard.
“Pull yourself up by the bootstraps,” I repeated my grandfather’s favorite line to myself as I finally pulled myself out of bed.
Everyone has been telling me that it is not my fault and everything will be all right, but I haven’t been able to reconcile myself with the fact I am alone. I am home and I don’t know what my next step is. Henry and I should be on our way to Hawaii at this very moment, but instead, I will no longer hear his voice or see his face. I should be mourning his loss more than I am, but I can’t. I have cried too many tears over the man who has walked away from everything we ever built together and lied about everything he has ever done. For now, I’ll resign myself to the fact he is jail, where he should have been this entire time.