I wondered if it was really worth it. If Jason was really worth it. Would he really even love me more than he already does? Just because my lips are little bit fuller and my stomach a tiny bit flatter? Will he feel like he can show me off after the surgery when right now he says he is embarrassed to go into public with me?
One of the problems I have with Jason is that he sees all these faults with me. The ‘faults’ he seems to see in me in a regular basis seem to always have to do with my looks. He said he fell in love with me for my sense of humor, my compassion, my love of animals, my smile…. But somehow managed to forget everything he loved the moment I moved in with him. I’m beginning to worry that he is not worth the pain and sacrifice of having surgery.
“Hi honey, when is your surgery? Do you have a way to get there?” Jason called from the bathroom.
Until now, I hadn’t realized he didn’t plan to take me to and from the appointment.
“You told me last week you could take off work?” I said in a form of question as I distinctly remembered telling the exact time and date.
“Well, something came up.” As Jason continued to talk, I stopped listening. I knew I wasn’t going to have the surgery and I sure as hell knew I wasn’t coming back here.