Uncertain

At this point, I didn’t know where I was going to go from here.  I had just quit my job without any back-up plan.  I no longer had health insurance or a steady income.  My almost fiancée had just broken up with me which was a situation that seemingly came out of nowhere.  I had been depending on our upcoming marriage to surround me with security. 

I was trying to pump myself up for a future of uncertainty.  I was trying to change my mindset to having enough time to follow my dreams and enough time to write that book I’d always wanted to write.  In the back of my mind, there was niggling doubt.  Doubt on how I was going to pay my mortgage.  My bills.  How I was going to buy groceries. 

As the doubt bubbled up around me, I got to work.  And as I became more and more engrossed, I soon realized not having Scott around was actually helping.  Helping me to figure out my life while he was not around to tell me how badly I was doing.  To tell me I would never succeed.  To tell me I was not good enough.  As my heart expanded into my new role and new life, I also knew Scott’s family was grieving.  Grieving over the fact his body would never be found.