Escape

I always wanted to figure my life out, but I never knew how.  I stared at the television and wondered where to go and what to do next as if I was waiting for the characters to tell me what would come my way.  I knew what I needed, but was stuck on how to get exactly what I wanted.  What I wanted was to leave and never come back.  Leave and never have to talk to anyone from my hometown again.  

I felt smothered by not being able to live my own life and instead often felt like I was living under the rules of everyone around me.  I often felt suffocated by the fact everyone in town knew who I was, where I lived and knew every single thing about me.  There was no privacy.  No anonymity.  I stared blankly at the television and waited for inspiration to come.  Usually white noise helped me blank out the noise in my brain, but today, my brain would not stop jumping.  Jumping from all the what if’s and regrets from my teenage years.  The things I wish I hadn’t done.  The more I thought about my so-called life, the larger the knot of anxiety in my stomach became. 

It wasn’t until the ad about something that included mountains that I started to plan my escape.  The mountains were the only way I could escape and really be free.  The only way I could find myself again.